Easter

I consider myself a very healthy person, and I thank Heavenly Father for my health often. Especially because there are many people I care deeply for whose health is a serious concern.

But lately I have not been well. I won't go into particulars on the blog, but it's been rough. I can't really say how rough, either. There's nothing really to compare it to. But there are two things this experience is explicitly teaching me, and I'm sincerely thankful.

One is that there are a lot of people who care about me. I have a tendency to be too self-deprecating, and I constantly question how valuable my friendship is to people. If I had it my way, I would be always the giver in a friendship, but that is wrong on multiple levels, because that means that sometimes I attract more needy people than I can handle, and it keeps me from being real with people who aren't needy. And even when I am real with them, I'm so apologetic about it it's weird. So, during the time that things were escalating, there were several people who made me feel cared for. Not by doing anything huge. A friend in another state randomly sent me a facebook message. A few people at church pulled me aside and asked if I was really okay. Even if I sorta lied to them, I appreciated being asked. The list could go on. I mean, really, I am surrounded by people who are good and kind, and I am learning to accept that it's okay to be the one who needs that on occasion, even as I recognize that sometimes these people who are going out of their way to express love and concern for me are struggling with their own issues. It's a beautiful thing to see the Atonement in action as we all try to be kind to one another during our own pain and heartache.

The second is that I think when all is said and done, the privilege of having a resurrected body is going to be so glorious I try to comprehend it and get overwhelmed. Having health problems isn't just something that is trendy. It's a mortal condition. Even specific ones that I wanted to dismiss as trendy, really, are an integral part of our experience here. I'm not explaining it adequately, I know, and I recognize again that most people out there suffer physically much more than I do. I hope this doesn't sound trite. I hope it doesn't sound, like Elder Holland said one time, like "cheerful rhetoric". Having a body that constantly hurts, or that doesn't do what you want it to, is genuinely hard, and there's no getting away from it. Sometimes I think, again, of people I care about who are seriously suffering with physical health issues, and I want to curl up in fetal position and cry for them. But I know that my Redeemer liveth. Easter means something a little different to me this year than it has in previous years. Something a lot deeper and a lot sweeter. And we will be resurrected just as Jesus was. For real.

So, I hope we all have a happy Easter and are able to feel truly close to the Savior at this time. Much love.

My Sister

My sister is officially in the 100th percentile of awesome. She always was, of course.

She became one of my favorite people back when we were toddlers. The first time I can remember bonding with her was when we shared frustration over the fact that our brother got to stay up 30 minutes later than I did. I was probably about four years old, so she must have been two. It wasn't enough that I got to see Wild America first. They put me to bed, and I writhed in anger, knowing that Brother (who was only 16 months older than me!) was in the living room watching National Geographic—my favorite show. And, to add insult to injury, the sun hadn't even thought of going down yet, and we had yellow curtains. With ruffles. Sister stood up in her crib and babbled something. If I ever understood her, I don't remember what she said. But we were both in it together, and that's what counted.

It is impossible to imagine what I would be without her. We both bossed and manipulated each other, but I think she bossed more, even though I'm older.

She was the one who taught me to tell time. I failed the clock quiz in 2nd grade because I was absent the day the teacher did the clock lesson, and I was scared to tell anyone that I didn't understand. Then one day, when I was in fifth grade, I told Sister that I didn't know how to tell time. A few minutes later, I knew how.

What I started this post to say, though, is that today I felt the way Gwen Stacy described herself in The Amazing Spiderman when her dad asked her if she wanted some cocoa (I tried to find the clip, but it's not on YouTube). However, my Awesome Sister made the day completely great by finding this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tEgzGnzojc

Which is to say that she located a musical piece I have been crazy for since about 1999, but I never knew what it was called or how to get ahold of it. I'm a sucker for marimbas and xylophones, and even more so when they are used in films about literary experiences. Here is a fun clip:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hMMUJ2Gn7Y