watching the newest Jane Eyre movie twice in one day. I love this movie so much it's ridiculous. The DVD cover is a disappointment, to be sure, and my sister and I decided a long time ago that sidewhiskers are, without exception, one of those fashions (like bangs from the '80s) that are best forgotten. But I still love it with an immortal passion.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Beauty is ...
watching the newest Jane Eyre movie twice in one day. I love this movie so much it's ridiculous. The DVD cover is a disappointment, to be sure, and my sister and I decided a long time ago that sidewhiskers are, without exception, one of those fashions (like bangs from the '80s) that are best forgotten. But I still love it with an immortal passion.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Want v. Need
People usually talk about wants and needs in the context of spending money, but after a discussion with family members yesterday, I'm left with some questions about this dilemma—but referring to doing stuff instead of buying stuff.
They pretty much said all of my problems might be solved (yup) if I could figure out how to turn off my need to be nice.
Apparently most people are nice because they want to be, and I'm nice because I need to be.
Maybe, though, I don't really need to be nice, I just think I do. I'm sure I'm not the only one, which is why I'm blogging about it (although I've said before and will say again that this blog shares entirely too much personal information).
Am I the only one with this problem? Because the truth is that when you're trying to decide how to spend money, or time, or other resources, it's not too hard to distinguish between what you need and what you want. But when it comes to deciding whether you want to do something nice for someone because you want to, or because you need to in order to feel okay with yourself, it gets much trickier. If you try to turn it off, it creates horrible cycles of inward guilt and angst and agony, usually ending in rage.
Then, there is the insulting insinuation that I'm not really nice of my own initiative, but because I have an emotional illness. What can one do to counter that?
I was never a Friends watcher, but I was told about an episode where the Lisa Kudrow character was accused of being selfish because she got so much pleasure out of doing nice things for people, and the point was that there really isn't any way we can do something purely, unconditionally philanthropic because there's always payoff.
I'm afraid I might have meandered a bit too much with this one, but what I really wanted to say was—does it really matter why you do nice things, as long as you're doing them?
Because I'm not that nice to begin with.
They pretty much said all of my problems might be solved (yup) if I could figure out how to turn off my need to be nice.
Apparently most people are nice because they want to be, and I'm nice because I need to be.
Maybe, though, I don't really need to be nice, I just think I do. I'm sure I'm not the only one, which is why I'm blogging about it (although I've said before and will say again that this blog shares entirely too much personal information).
Am I the only one with this problem? Because the truth is that when you're trying to decide how to spend money, or time, or other resources, it's not too hard to distinguish between what you need and what you want. But when it comes to deciding whether you want to do something nice for someone because you want to, or because you need to in order to feel okay with yourself, it gets much trickier. If you try to turn it off, it creates horrible cycles of inward guilt and angst and agony, usually ending in rage.
Then, there is the insulting insinuation that I'm not really nice of my own initiative, but because I have an emotional illness. What can one do to counter that?
I was never a Friends watcher, but I was told about an episode where the Lisa Kudrow character was accused of being selfish because she got so much pleasure out of doing nice things for people, and the point was that there really isn't any way we can do something purely, unconditionally philanthropic because there's always payoff.
I'm afraid I might have meandered a bit too much with this one, but what I really wanted to say was—does it really matter why you do nice things, as long as you're doing them?
Because I'm not that nice to begin with.
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