On Dreams

I just realized that I have been having a recurring dream, and I'm pretty sure it has been going on for years. I dream I get in cars and nearly back into things because I can't get the brakes to work. And by "things", I mean everything from parking lot blocks to people. Yikes.

Just for fun, I went to an online dream dictionary, and there it was. Dreaming you are driving a car means that you are in control of your life. Dreaming about braking means that you lack stability. So, in essence, I am in control of a chaotic mess that disconcerts me in my sleep (and, might I add, in my awake as well). That sounds like me.

But I still think dream interpretation is a bit hokey.

On another note, I have this awesome friend who loves to tell me how awesome I am. If you've ever seen the episode of The Vicar of Dibley: The Handsome Stranger, this next bit will be very funny to you. If you haven't seen it, you need to. Trust me, you are missing out on one of the funniest television events in the universe.

So, my awesome friend told me that I am not "on the shelf"--I am in the special display case. In other words, he thinks that whoever marries me will have won the figurative lottery.

That's a sweet sentiment, but I'm afraid that winning the lottery comes with a lot of strings attached. Yes, but he assures me that winning the lottery and paying the associated taxes, etc. is still preferable to not winning the lottery. I think that playing the lottery is gambling, and I don't find that attractive. But I also think I'm overthinking, as usual.

I Win

I don't tend to win very much. Not at games, not at races, not at raffles. My luck ran dry after that time in fifth grade when I accurately guessed the number of M&Ms in the jar at my class Christmas party, and I haven't won much since. I'm okay with that, usually. It's almost as fun to see other people win, and then I don't even have to worry about winner's guilt or trying to figure out how to gloat gracefully.

But lately I've been feeling like a loser, and like the last person picked for the soccer team. Instead of making a loser list, I'm going to make a winner list. This is another one of those self-indulgent, somewhat narcissistic posts, where I assume everyone who reads me is as interested in me as I am.

Here is what I won:

I won a get pale in the summer contest I declared against myself after the fact. I didn't think it was possible for someone to get paler than I already was, but I was wrong. I think there is no longer a shade of makeup pale enough for me ... and I ought to know after the effort it took to find the previous color.

I won at going out on another first date. He might think I'm totally weird now and will probably never talk to me again, but at least we went out once. And I had fun even if he didn't.

I won at not passing out on Monday evening when I got suddenly light-headed, dizzy, and nauseated. Never mind that I never should have got sick in the first place and that after I narrowly avoided passing out, I lay on the floor trembling for a good half hour, called my mom even though she's terribly stressed and there was nothing she could do for me anyway, and then had my friend come over because I couldn't even walk to the kitchen for my own drink of water.

I won at finishing the book for my book club in just 2 days. I should have been drinking lots of water and sleeping, but I finished the book instead. If reading were an Olympic sport, I would win.

And...

I won today because I started it so early! Everyone says it's best to have an early start. I was so ahead of today that I woke up for it yesterday. I didn't go to sleep last night, but what does that matter when you can be early enough to work that only one other person is there and most of the lights are still out?

Please excuse me if it isn't funny. This is a desperate attempt to be lighthearted in the face of a brutal couple of weeks.