Judgment

I had a very interesting conversation this morning. It was almost a culmination of a lot of things that have been running through my mind lately.

We live in a society that places particular virtue on being "nonjudgmental". I think in many ways this is great. It is a good thing that people collectively recognize that a person who makes big mistakes needs love first and foremost.

But I also think it is damaging in a way. We have become so hypersensitive to what other people think of us that some of us have problems going anywhere or doing anything where someone might judge us.

The new rallying cry is "Don't you dare judge me!"

It is true. We are admonished by Jesus Christ to judge not, that ye be not judged. But what makes being judgmental so much worse than being a liar or a glutton, or a fornicator or lazy or going into debt?

Nobody wakes up in the morning thinking, "I wonder how many people I can judge today."

It's unintentional. And the stupidest thing we can do is to allow someone who is being possibly judgmental (or maybe just has strong opinions about the way things should be and wasn't taking your personal behavior or feelings into account when they said what they did, because after all, you are not the center of the universe and there's no reason to take everything as a personal attack) to hurt our feelings.

If my feelings are hurt because someone judged me, that's just as much my problem as theirs. It's not my job to scream "How dare you judge me!" It's my job to say, this person made a mistake in judging me, and I can forgive and move on with my life.

And, further, when I find myself worried about being judged, most of the time it's because I'm worried myself about whether what I'm doing or saying is right. Or, even worse, when I want to be able to justify judging someone else for having different pet struggles or sins than the ones I have.

I am never more vulnerable than when I am reproachable.

Which means that pretty much if I am worried that people are judging me, I am probably being more judgmental of myself.

That is not at all to say that people shouldn't treat one another with love and consideration and kindness. Everyone is fighting a battle and we all need all the kindness we can possibly get. I am not defending unkind or judgmental behavior.

But I do think that our definition and practice of kindness, tolerance, love, and respect can be expanded and understood at a deeper level.