The truth is that I am not as nice as I assume I am.
We live life based upon a set of assumptions about ourselves, otherwise every moment would be too overwhelming to survive, and not just for those with the emotional range of a teaspoon.
However, sometimes I find myself in situations where I am decidedly not the person I assume, and it is uncomfortable. I say things that are unkind. Or I interrupt people. Or I talk endlessly about myself and don't really listen to people. Or I even encourage them in negative thoughts, conversations, and behaviors. Then I think about it later and realize my actions were contemptible. I realize that I had no business to say or do what I did, and I wonder how I let myself get out of hand, because I'm supposed to be better than that. My self respect is intact because I wake up every day assuming that I am not the sort of person who does those kinds of things.
So today, most of all, I am thinking about the ability to re-evaluate my life and repent. The Lord gave that blessing to me, because I sure need it—and that is what I am most grateful for. Today hasn't been about a gluttonous turkey fest (my fam went out of town, and I stayed behind to be with my sister, who had to work; I cooked a nice meal, without any turkey, and was just happy to be able to do something nice for someone else for a change). It's been about what I can do to change my attitude, my thoughts, my words, and my deeds and actually be the person He wants me to be.
Bad experiences don't mean anything if you don't respond to them with faith, so my leap of faith is starting now, with being thankful for the people I usually talk badly about. There are people who have hurt me deeply; I have allowed their choices and/or personalities to make me angry. But it's not my place to get angry, it's my place to be grateful, for the good and for the bad.
The truth is also that I happen to be one of those people whose life is overwhelmingly full of good things over bad things.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. I hope you have as much to be grateful for as I do.
What a wonderful way to spend Thanksgiving! For the record, I don't think you're as mean as you sometimes think you are, either. Everyone has bad moments. The truth is, none of us are perfect, period. I miss you. Can't wait to see you tomorrow!
ReplyDeleteOur culture can make us believe that we are never quite enough, no matter how good we really are. There was a time when I was fairly extreme because I always thought there was a bar I wasn't good enough to reach. The right thing to do is accept that you are a really good person who is kind to others, and don't expect yourself to be completely perfect every minute of every day.
ReplyDelete